AM’s 2 cents

Ok, now that I have your attention…

Recently I served on a panel for an Education class and we only barely got to touch the surface of this issue. The truth is most people who do not have disabilities tend to assume that people with disabilities do not have or are not interested in sex. I’m here to clear that up.

People with disabilities are as likely to be interested in sex, intimacy, dating, flirting and all the stuff just as the rest of the population. This is also true of older folks (as you can see from all the Cialis & Viagra commercials on tv). Since most people in their life time will have a disability at some point or another, this is important information for everyone to know. People with disabilities do engage in sexual activity.

Yes, at times there are challenges or obstacles to what we “typically” view as sexual behavior. However, that just means you have to think of more creative ways to share your feelings with a partner. Just because it may not look like the vanilla, heterosexual, missionary style sexual intercourse described in your 5th grade health class doesn’t mean it’s not sex.

There are many safer sex practices that you can consider when you want to be intimate with someone. Namely hugging, kissing, touching, & masturbation. I cannot state this clearly enough.  It is each person’s responsibility to be as safe as possible to protect themselves and their partner when engaging in risky behaviors.  It goes without saying that sexual contact must always be consensual, so please be clear about your intentions and your personal boundaries. While I hope you are engaging in such activities with someone you trust, it is essential that you protect yourself from sexually transmitted infections and pregnancy. People are not always thinking about such things in the moment, so come prepared with a plan to protect yourself and your partner.

Some things to consider:

People with medical disabilities need to take into consideration their health at the time of the “event”, as well as the risks involved in pregnancy and sexually transmitted infections. Sexual activity is not always appropriate for a period of time after some surgeries and procedures.

Folks with compromised immune systems are at a higher risk of susceptibility for STI’s simply because their body can’t fight back as well. Be sure to use protection.

If you desire to get pregnant, be sure to check with your physician ahead of time to see if it is safe to do so, particularly if you are on any medications or treatments.

People who use wheelchairs/assistive walking devices and have no paralysis have sensation in their genital area. A partner may need to assist them in getting comfortable, or into a safe position, but otherwise, they’re ready to go.

Folks who have paralysis may not have sensation in their genital region, however, they likely have sexual thoughts, emotions and and desire sexual contact. If you think about it the majority of what folks find hot or erotic has much more to do with the brain “upstairs” than the brain “downstairs” (if you will), so don’t count these folks out.

Obviously, I’m not a doctor nor am I a sex therapist, so if you want to learn more, explore, learn and seek assistance from a trusted professional. One book I would recommend is The Ultimate Guide to Sex and Disabillity, by Miriam Kaufman, M.D., Cory Silverberg, and Fran Odette. (2003), San Francisco. Cleis Press.