What does it mean to forgive? To accept someone’s apology, to rectify any harmful sentiments made to them, or to exonerate one’s wrongdoing? Forgiveness can be expressed in various ways, each with varying levels of sincerity and intent. Children are taught to “forgive and forget” in order to move passed a disagreement, however this kind of practice as a form of conflict resolution is relatively ineffective when employed to prevent future disputes. Rather than forgetting, it is best to make an effort to understand the motivations behind one’s acts. By setting aside anger and frustration for investigation, one can empathize with another and even relate to him or her. This is the path that Rais follows after being shot by Mark Stroman, and his journey of forgiveness and understanding leads him to becoming connected with Stroman in numerous unprecedented ways.
Rais’ initial reaction after being injured was one of confusion. He simply could not fathom why he had been hurt, only to soon come to the realization that he was just one of the victims of a shooting spree at the hands of an angry and fearful man. Though his shooter was portrayed as a monstrous, racist fiend, Rais did not let this public perception deter him from learning about the troubled man behind such heinous actions. Learning about Stroman’s difficult childhood of being neglected by his mother, who told him repeatedly that he would have been aborted if she could have afforded the operation, Rais began to understand how such a lack of parental support led to Stroman’s turn to crime as a means of deriving attention and worth.
Without positive role models to aspire to, Stroman found himself abusing drugs and burglarizing at an early age, only to be sent to prison, where his solitary confinement did nothing but fester his emotional issues. Rais, having grown up in a loving family and attending a highly regimented military school in Bangladesh, did not develop in the same environment as his shooter. However what the both of these men have in common is a strong sense of loneliness; Stroman has no healthy familial connections, and Rais is left to fend for himself in a completely foreign country. Such autonomy often fosters a sense of worthlessness due to the failure to find a group of people to connect with. Rais’ utilized this common experience with Stroman to unearth the scared, insecure, and unloved man who desperately needed an ally to save his emotional wellbeing. Through his campaign to get Stroman off of his death row sentence, Rais became the ally Stroman needed, and it is because of his forgiveness that Stroman denounced his actions as the product of hate and intolerance, urging humanity to seek understanding in each other above all else.
– Bala Sivaraman is a junior at UMass Amherst majoring in communications.