We often take for granted most of the connections we have in our lives. Today, it is common to find people of the mentality that life is meant for living and enduring alone. I’ve heard on numerous occasions people saying that their problems and situations are their own personal matters and that nobody else ought nor can assist them in any way, shape, or form. To some degree, this idea is rational: why should anyone try to bail me out when I myself have gotten myself into a mess due to my own incompetence? This situation is commonplace in nature, throughout the five kingdoms and three domains: one fends for oneself. In her memoir Orange Is The New Black, Piper Kerman reflects that her mentality prior to incarceration was “…the not-novel concept that we are each alone in the world…some parts self-reliance, some parts self-protection, this belief offers a binary perspective—powerhouse or victim, complete responsibility or total divorcement, all in or out the door” (292).
Be that as it may, though, let us not forget what we learned in elementary school about the buddy system as well as what biologists have discovered in the wild about altruism. Communities exist for mutual benefit. People tend to help each other our through life; on the whole, this altruistic mentality brings about good not only for the individual being helped but also for the entire community, instilling a sense of hope in each member. Communities are support systems made up of a myriad of intertwining connections between people and organizations. These connections must never be taken for granted and are constant and consistent reminders of the fact that we are not, in fact, alone fending for ourselves in the world. They exist as part of a spectrum, ranging from the ever-so-fleeting glance and “Good morning” at fellow passersby on the sidewalk to the deep bonds one forms between close family and friends.
However, no matter how superficial a connection may seem, it has a special impact upon one’s life. Our connections teach us each situation in which we find ourselves throughout life are just temporary issues which will pass. They offer words of wisdom or cheerful encouragement when we find ourselves in tough times. In this sense, connections to family and friends are key, as it is these relationships which we are able to consider as being nonjudgmental and totally supportive; family and friends inherently are those who look out for us and our well-being and it is they who we consider top priority in our own daily lives.
As Ms. Kerman relates in her memoir, she discovers during her time in prison that it was not her long-held belief in self-reliance that helped her through her sentence, but rather it was the connections she made with her fellow prisoners. She says, “Small kindnesses and simple pleasures shared were so important, whether given or received, regardless of what quarter they came from, that they brought home to me powerfully that I was not alone in this world, in this life…I could connect—perhaps with anyone” (292-293). Ms. Kerman details the various special connections she has with her fellow prisoners; each one impacts her in a unique and important way. She also details that her friends and family from home were a major support source during her time as well, relating that their visits and correspondence were essential to her well-being.
In the college-context, familial and friendly connections from home are much more important than one would assume them to be so; upon starting college, you essentially enter your first phase of adulthood of being on your own in terms of responsibility and decision-making. Connections from home become especially important when you are surrounded by unfamiliarity. At the same time, it is key to forge new relationships with the many unfamiliar faces: an immediate support system soon develops. You never know when you may need to call upon a favor nor do you know when someone else could ask you for a hand. For this reason, all of these connections must be sustained. In college, one especially important connection is between students and professors; students must not be afraid to participate during lectures or lab sections, but should be interactive and attentive. In this manner, connections are being made for future advancement, like job offers or future studies. Throughout the four years one spends at the university, one gains knowledge and life skills, but most importantly a huge web of connections to all sorts of people, a rather large support system.
Ultimately, we return to the idea of self-reliance. Are we meant to sustain only our own lives and separate ourselves entirely from others? No, we are not. Rather, we must immerse ourselves in the community, understanding our part in the world, while also relating to others, creating connections which can last a lifetime. These connections allow us to gain perspective on our role in the world, and also provide us with necessary support when we are facing tough times. As the English poet John Donne said, “No man is an island”. Rather, we must be more of an archipelago: a chain of closely spaced islands, each having their own unique place, but also sharing the world with others.
Aishwarya Vishwanath is a junior Biochemistry and Molecular Biology major and serves as a Peer Mentor in the Southwest Residential Area.
