Throughout dirt fields and brick

buildings I saw how to get out 

though intelligence is not valued between

two brains, if you understand me know

why I have to touch the plane. 

Locker rooms and sport bras that are too big

Hear the water dripping in that old corner as

we laugh about our competition. We were

are too fast we will get out but I hope

On the other side there is something nice

To rest on maybe grass except nothing

Sprouts here. There is nothing here 

You are there and I am here, 

can we meet in the middle and sit on

My porch? Yes, you say, I will always listen.

You are the reason I stayed, I would prefer to be

With you, but I also want to leave I left

and saw the tower I dreamed of. 

Running with a black headband on was my favorite thing

To do alongside my friends and we would sing songs

We could move mountains we did win always

Heat meant nothing–I meant nothing, in the grand scheme of things

Except the tower and the dirt fields and brick were always there

And I was close, too. I saw it all I wished to see you

Paris was nice in the summer, the river at night

Filled with bodies and wine with scum scattered

I will always dream about home wherever I find it 

just a kid but we all were so let me forgive you as you close the door tiny apartment found beat up car new car silver but not that kind never that kind undereye bags tick tock biological clock running out don’t you think we’re just kids but I want a large family continue my bloodline not yours never mine you left but kept coming back the mirror image of me was too mean and too young and that wasn’t enough she fought back while I held up a fist and crossed my fingers behind my back you were never hurt I could would never tick tock will I see you again airplanes that never flew but they could again see you again i’d do it all over again just to hear you scream late at night again listen to that voicemail over and over again don’t listen to how I feel just use your ears to see my actions like how jesus christ was your idol not a savior no matter how much i prayed he never did it back say father to let go not of your religion though it, he, will always stay you were my idol too never again except maybe this time i’ll listen and follow your word your scripture and i’ll forget everything you’ve ever done even before we had met i’ll follow your lessons because no one feels guilt like a catholic baptism reborn but never forget that phonecall when you said you were sorry for failing me thats all you ever did a failure a son a mother was never proud of you endure working in a warehouse but how bad can it really be? how bad was it? he never even laid a finger on you jesus told me so and he was the first person to truly fail me  

Our mom decorates the urn

with your favorite Christmas ornaments. 

We don’t have blinds anymore.

Highschoolers walk alone,

With the same clothes as last year. 

Ascension could be possible

if you were able to read. 

Pull into the driveway with

An empty tank. Back up. 

You have passion for what you are unable to start.

Let me give you my femur

so you have enough for your plate

and nothing in your sink. 

Don’t chip the paint,

or forget the quilt. 

Touch the stitching and hope

that someone really did love you once. 

Hospital blanket folded on the couch. 

Mom is painting the front door again,

with another layer of white. I 

missed your call. Too busy cleaning mold 

off of old toys. 

Twin sisters do not have the magic they say we do. 

You will always be stuck in the sand from a childhood

Playground.

I have your old eyeshadow palette

That you left in your bag

Full of expired product and unopened cans.

The old train tracks have bats

I throw rocks up to taunt as they dive for bugs

Hunger tears into stomachs.

No noise in wastelands and 

There are holes in my shoes.  

Cold skin droops against the glass

A palm on my window meets mine

Husks stumble outside the house

Pop out their eyes, and loose legs. 

Spray painted warnings on signs 

Rusted over cars bumper to bumper and 

Teddy bears propped up in seats.

It’s humid out and rot has an odor.

Have to get out, stumble away, have to 

See what’s outside, have to touch

Everything three times and question

Who the person was before prayers to God

And hold the knife, have to crawl into

Stores, have to eat, spilled boxes,

There is food in me, can’t give in

To what they want, have to leave my house,

Have to gather boards and turn away from

Voices outside, even from garbled speech,

have to get out of this house,

Door knobs turning, back and forth, 

I got out of the house.

Have to move, can’t keep staring, but

What else is there to see besides bones lined along the roads,

A hand by my cans, and should find a mirror, to see, 

Can’t let adrenaline rush in veins, can’t let them have a taste,

It’ll be too sweet, have to run up to cars, and tug

On the mirror, have to look, please let me

Plummet into illusions of past days, flourish and 

I have to reset

Let me be rain. 

To be everywhere, 

Touch smooth stones as I

Take their wisdom. 

I create misty veils on shores, 

Dripping, inching 

on our beach’s sand. 

Sea foam slithers down my throat 

I am drowning. 

Let me be rain. 

I want to pelt windows with

glass upon my skin.

Fracture lines glimmer as 

cracks etch into designs – 

I fill the void. 

Admire me and fill me. 

Melt away our display. 

Pieces prick my skin 

As blood pools. 

Let me be rain. 

Sinking into you. 

Cleanse from inside

to outside. You want

To feel pure, crisp water engulfed. 

It escapes into your lungs. 

Rip away memories, 

On your skin, to your bones. 

Descending deeper, heaviness exists. 

You’ve never had to feel it before? 

White water under the silvery light,  

The moon wanes as it dims.  

Tidal pools overflow with salt, and rain slips away.