10/02/2023 Amherst, MA
Riley Bowen
I wake up earlier than usual today, 8:28 AM. I watch a cobweb tangled in my ceiling rafters, and consider my recent lack of dreams. I open my mouth, close it again. In this way I take stock of myself. Mornings ought to be cleaner than they are. Waking up is a sloughing off, a shedding of yesterday’s film.
Response #6
Age: 15
Occupation: Student, dog walker
Location: Marblehead, MA
Write a comprehensive list of what you did yesterday (in as much detail as you feel comfortable):
I heard my alarm, laid in bed for a little longer, got up, I peed, got dressed, had oatmeal, watched YouTube, got my bag together, brushed my teeth, put in my aligners, said goodbye to my mom, walked to school, went to all my classes, had lunch during day, watched YouTube, had a snack and drink, had a nap, went to basketball practice, got home, showered, got into pajamas, got dinner and dessert, finished homework, brushed my teeth, went to bed after setting my alarm for school.
What are 5 thoughts you have every day or almost every day:
Thinking about girls, if I’m attracted to them or not, playing basketball, animals, specifically my pets, when I’m going to eat, and what homework I have
I am the only one downstairs, so I take time to float between rooms and stand in one place for a while. It is difficult to see people in the morning, we laugh in a way that sounds exasperated. I am laughing because there is nothing to say yet, but I cannot speak for anyone else. I spend too long with the mirror, both of us are angry, but I indulge because this is the only chance to view someone so intently. I watch myself blink.
I am meeting with a lawyer today for bureaucratic reasons. This means I am taking the 9:30 bus instead of the 10:43. The office is on the 9th floor but I’m here 10 minutes early and the email said to “Please arrive 5 minutes before your appointment,” so I wait in the bathroom. The view is beautiful from these windows; the sky is so clear it seems as if it were humming. I practice what I will do if someone comes in.
Response #3
Age: 48
Occupation: Drug Counselor
Location: California
Write a comprehensive list of what you did yesterday (in as much detail as you feel comfortable):
Woke up, had coffee and a cigarette, ate 2 eggs, worked out, played cribbage with my son, showered, ate lunch, drank more coffee, smoked more cigarettes, went to work, ate dinner, came home, watched YouTube, ate Milano cookies, smoked a cigarette, went to bed… there it is… another day closer to death.
What are 5 thoughts you have every day or almost every day:
I hope my son stays healthy
Hope I don’t have cancer
I wish I was better looking
I’m getting old
I’m so lucky
In the office, I smile too much and laugh at things that are not funny. It is not funny that “it’s been a while,” but I laugh anyway to indicate that I am happy to be here and I am a person who cares about the people I meet. Unfortunately, I am not so good at faking a laugh. It sounds the same every time and 10 laughs later I sound not happy, but nervous, unqualified. While the attorney is looking at her computer screen I scan the walls; there is a lot of decor and I am enjoying trying to decode pieces of her life. She went to Cornell for undergrad and studied family law. I am getting wildly out of line in my assumptions: I decide she probably had a troubled childhood(why else do people study family law?) and I think she is married to a woman(based almost entirely on her haircut). I feel guilty about passing these judgments and so I pay extra attention to what she is saying now, nodding frequently. When we say goodbye I say “awesome” more than once.
Response #2
Age: 20
Occupation: Student
Location: Los Angeles
Write a comprehensive list of what you did yesterday (in as much detail as you feel comfortable):
I woke up at 9 am and took the bus to a coffee shop. It’s midterm season so I was there to study so I got an almond croissant and an americano. I finished my essay for my GE class about this jazz artist. I stayed there till 4 PM so I can get more croissants as there’s a happy hour of 50 percent off afterwards. When I took the bus home I ate fried rice and some bolognese. That put me into a food coma and I went to bed. After that I went on a run to the gym. After that, I went to a grocery store to buy some soap. As I was walking out of the store a homeless dude came up to me and asked me to buy him a burrito so my boyfriend and I split the cost so we could feed him. My boyfriend also got some tacos to share. Then we went home to study for another hour and I went to bed.
What are 5 thoughts you have every day or almost every day:
I go to a competitive school so I always wonder if I’m doing enough. It’s internship season and I’ve always been insecure about my intelligence. But actually that’s in every aspect. The way I look, the way I act towards others, etc. it’s really consuming actually. I think the main questions are: “Why aren’t I like that?” “What will I eat tonight?” “How did I get this way?”. Outside of the Low key depressing stuff it’s a lot of daydreaming like my future house and kids and being grateful for my friends and my boyfriend. Also celebrity pop culture drama is pretty interesting.
I buy a coffee from the place in the library and overhear a conversation between two people. One of them says “Thank you for saying hi” and it makes me feel good about the world. I vow to say hi more often. I drink the coffee outside because I feel bad about spending time indoors on nice days. I sit on a rock that is a little bit too slanted and realize I’m not sure what “enjoying the weather” entails. I think about this often but I’m not getting anywhere. I check my email and a friend passes by and shouts my name. I feel caught, punished for insincerity.
My first class is Latin, I wish graduate students did not teach classes, it makes me sad. My instructor has brought in a laser pointer but their hand is too shaky to point to the words. I wonder if they enjoy teaching. When we make eye contact there is some emptiness between us. I read a version of “Pyramus and Thisbe” dumbed-down enough for me to understand, and I wonder if the way I answer questions in class makes me seem condescending. We pair up to translate sentences and my partner and I play an unspoken game. She begins a sentence then pretends to falter, leaving space for me to jump in. I return the favor by making sure I add enough “maybes” and “I thinks” to seem amicable.
Response #5
Age: 20
Occupation: Student
Location: Amherst, MA
Write a comprehensive list of what you did yesterday (in as much detail as you feel comfortable):
Wake up and snooze alarm about three times.
Make and drink coffee and juice (I don’t make the juice).
Medicine and vitamins.
Make bed immediately.
Face wash routine and get dressed.
Bus.
Class time! (Not much happens here I’m kind of bored).
Meet friends for lunch.
Talk a lot.
Bus home.
Rest and chat with roommates.
Pajamas on.
Make dinner. It’s about dinner time by now.
Do homework.
Nighttime face wash routine. Love this part.
Sit by my window. I love watching out my window (the raccoons).
Set my alarms.
Medicine and sleep lotion.
Sleep.
What are 5 thoughts you have every day or almost every day:
I worry about my clothes. I try to look sweet and not too feminine but not too masculine either.
I always admire the weather. When I walk outside, I think, “wow I love this weather.”
I think about my love for friends. I’m excited to talk to them.
I think about my grandma and I call her.
I have plans to eat lunch with a friend, she meets me in the radio station, and I ask her what she has been doing since I saw her last. We dance around certain topics. They are the most interesting. I spend a lot of time looking at her face. She laughs often and I think this makes her vibrant. I exaggerate my facial expressions on purpose to make her laugh, not so funny, but it works. I wonder what the punchline is.
Response #4
Age: 44
Occupation: Marketing/stay at home mom
Location: Florida
Write a comprehensive list of what you did yesterday (in as much detail as you feel comfortable):
Woke up at 7
Showered
Made coffee
Made kids breakfast
Went for a walk
Took daughter to go rock climbing
Made lunch
Did some work on my computer
Watched kids play outside with neighbors
Decorated our house for Halloween
Made dinner
Made kids lunches for school Monday morning
Watched some TV with family
Got into bed and played on phone
Went to bed at 10
All throughout the day constantly cleaned up after meals, did laundry , broke up fights between siblings, kissed boo boos, chatted with husband etc.
it was a fairly quiet, nice Sunday.
What are 5 thoughts you have every day or almost every day:
I should exercise
I hope the kids are ok
What am I going to make for dinner
I’m so tired
There is so much I should be doing
My next class is in a room with wall-to-wall windows and I can’t see the door from where I’m sitting. This reminds me of a girl who taught me the basic principles of feng shui. I don’t feel like I’m accomplishing anything tangible here. I decide this is a neutral thought.
I have to sit in the radio station after class until 6pm. Normally there is a meeting at 6 but not today, too many of us are sick. I find out that a Latin teacher from my high school died. My middle school Latin teacher died while I was in eighth grade. I still keep paper with his handwriting on it. I think this is confusing because his death did not affect me as deeply as my actions suggest. But keeping a piece of paper is not as conscious of an act as throwing it away.
I decide to go home at 5:30,. I’m leaving early but I justify this cosmically by walking. My shoulder hurts, this bag I’ve been using is uncomfortable. I stop in CVS to buy Dots and a Coke because my roommate is sick and I love him. I hesitate on the Coke purchase, he prefers cans and they have only bottles, he thinks plastic bottles make him look stupid. I buy it anyway because it seems unsatisfactory to gift a snack without a drink.
I cut through the train tracks to get home, they are right by the house and it saves me a couple minutes at most. I am confident I would be fine if the train did come, it’s loud and slow. Still, I would hate to die so close to home. Inside I greet my sick roommate and my friend from lunch, I am surprised. They ran into each other on a walk. I drive her home in my roommate’s car.
Response #1
Age: 79.5
Occupation: Retired Social Worker and licensed therapist
Location: Salem and North Shore
Write a comprehensive list of what you did yesterday (in as much detail as you feel comfortable):
Showered/ate breakfast/watched news on TV/picked up(made bed)/took dog to park(not "dog park")/met friends, walked 3 laps around park/mini food shopping on way home/made a couple of phone calls/read novel/ate lunch/back to reading/took dog out for afternoon walk/met more friends/home/read/fed dog/watched news on TV/ate dinner while watching Wheel of Fortune and Jeopardy/cleaned up/changed clothes into sweats/watched something on Netflix, Prime, Hulu/bed by 11:00 - - - nighty-night!
What are 5 thoughts you have every day or almost every day:
1) holy crap, I’m getting old!!
2) mental check that my children and grandchildren are ok
3) how did the world get so damn fucked up!
4) thanks to Mother Nature for all the incredible beauty there is in this world and
5) worry. I am a champion worrier, about anything and everything.
The day falls in on itself at the end, becoming difficult to catalog. When I return home, I reheat vegetarian chili and eat it standing up. I embellish, criticize, and lament. I read. I make tea to have something else to do. I am supposed to call my dentist to cancel an appointment, and I need to do laundry but I’m all out of quarters. I wash my face and brush my teeth. I hang up a sweater that’s been on the chair for a week. I light a candle that I used to light because our apartment smelled like cigarettes all the time. A few days ago our neighbor died and the smell stopped.
I ask some variation of the question “What did you do today?” or “What’ve you been up to?” multiple times every day. It’s the most promising question, I’m hopeful the person I’m talking to will have something earth-shattering to share with me. I want them to say something that makes me laugh or even better, something salvational. I am nosy, I want to know how people feel and why and what they plan to do about it. I am looking to compare myself to others. I want proof that I am acting out my day in a similar fashion to those around me. I am skeptical that my peers are doing more interesting things than I am. I cannot pinpoint the parts of my day that are going wrong, where I could’ve met someone new, when I could’ve reached an epiphany, how I could’ve felt better. I am looking for confirmation that I am on track to contentment, that some people are getting there.