The fall semester was coming to an end and I was soon to be headed back state-side for winter break. After 3 weeks at home, I would return to Madrid, España, where I would spend the rest of my senior year. I find that many people are surprised when they hear about my decision to spend my entire senior year abroad. Some people even think I’m crazy for it, and maybe they are right (depending on what their definition of crazy is), but this was an opportunity I couldn’t possibly pass up! A chance to study, live, and dance in Madrid for an entire year, stay with a host family and travel throughout Spain as part of my academic program? Hecho. Become more independent, learn to navegar y moverme por la ciudad, and live a completely different lifestyle than ever before (i.e. Madrid, Spain and Europe)? Hecho y hecho. I could suggest that perhaps they are the crazy ones for not craving to experience the world, but hey, everyone is on their own path, and this is mine.

Rewind to pre-departure: before arriving in Madrid I was feeling calm, yet also psyched to get on the road again to discover a new place, exercise my wanderlust and get to know the world and my relationship with it in a whole new way. I was once again entering into the realm of the unknown and I understood that I couldn’t possibly anticipate what lay ahead. I had traveled parts of México and Centroamérica and studied abroad in a sustainable and alternative education program in Costa Rica my sophomore year. This was bound to be completely different, if not the opposite end of the hispanohablante spectrum. Each experience is unique; travel and life itself are full of surprises. I was ready to see what surprises this adventure had in store for me.

Upon arriving to Madrid I was simultaneously arriving on cloud 9. Me asombraron Madrid, España, y Europa en general. I fell in love with todo lo que me rodeaba. The city! The old buildings! The metro! Europe! These feelings of excitement and constant amazement were true and real, and also coincided perfectly with the first stage of culture shock: Euphoria. Throughout the semester I surely went through the ups and downs of culture shock (and life) despite my reasonable familiarity with travel and my deep yet never-ending aprendizaje del mundo hispanohablante.

Although I knew not to have expectations, it was hard to completely avoid. Places and experiences never seem to match preconceived notions. Madrid and my life here were no exceptions—mostly for the better—but the semester did not pass without struggles and unexpected challenges, which at times seemed to be unsolvable. From them I ultimately grew and made some really amazing connections with people in the process. Experiencing and getting through those difficult moments taught me invaluable lessons in depth, change, compassion, understanding, and self-knowledge. I know there will be more difficulties ahead and I will keep growing and learning from them as they make me a more full and whole person. For these reasons and so many others, I am beyond grateful to have the opportunity to study abroad in Madrid.

Towards the end of the semester I sensed a nervous and sad energy amongst many of the students, all of whom (with the exception of 3 others) would not be returning for the spring semester. They were beginning to realize that their stay in Spain was coming to an end abruptly, seemingly without warning. I was sad to say goodbye to the friends I had made in the program, but I was also feeling relieved, excited and incredibly privileged to know that I would be coming back in three weeks for part 2 of my adventure in Spain.

I tried not to verbalize this. I didn’t want to be insensitive to the students who were leaving. I didn’t feel the pressure some of them were feeling to do everything in Madrid that I didn’t have time to do in one semester (a lot), I didn’t experience the second-guessing of ¨Maybe I should have stayed for the year¨ nor did I (yet) feel the ticking of time and the inevitable looming date of departure which drew nearer. Many seemed to realize that one semester es poco.

Those three weeks at home rejuvenated me. I spent lots of wonderful and sincerely valued time with family. I experienced sad but beautiful and important closure with my 14 year old puppy dog, best friend and soul-mate, Eliot. I went on adventures with some of my closest friends. I started incorporating yoga into my life again. I began to realize a deeper perspective on what´s important.

Going home allowed me to truly be able to reflect, contemplate and understand all that happened last semester, put it into context and consciously decide what I wanted to change going forward. I continue to feel incredibly lucky and realize that I am living what was once a far-flung dream. Before I knew it I was on a plane again—Madrid bound—recharged, renewed and revitalized. I was ready to take on the spring semester with a sparkle en mi tercer ojo, love en mi corazon, and gumption y ganas en mi alma. Not feeling at all farther from Eliot but instead closer as I walked out of the Madrid airport in early January and felt the warm morning sun on my face, feeling his presence.

I took off my heavy jacket suited for New York winters and walked through the serenely surreal situation of the moment: the conjunction of all that had happened leading up to now, combined with my return which held endless possibilities of the future. The three weeks at home and the fresh turning of a new leaf mixed together seamlessly in a strange yet perfect way. Life on the Paseo de la Castellana went on as normal but I was inside a bubble as I floated peacefully through the familiar streets, finding myself all of the sudden in Spain again yet feeling so close to home. How did that happen? Vacation seemed so real while happening and I felt all the changes and positive energy I’d gained from it, so I knew it was real. At the same time it seemed like the blink of an eye and here I was in Madrid, a completely different time, place, and lifestyle which I was familiar with but now looking at with new eyes. Time is weird. Travel is mind-boggling, too–getting on a plane which flies you through the air and suddenly you´re living 6 hours into the future, your body thinks its 5 am, you’ve barely caught a wink of sleep, everyone is speaking Spanish and its sunny! There I was andando bajo el sol español with my little maleta hacia mi casa en Madrid, como si todo fuera un sueño…aunque no sé cual sería el sueño, o el semestre pasado en Madrid, o las tres semanas en los EEUU, o esta misma caminata hacia mi casa en Madrid para empezar la nueva aventura. I had left basically all my belongings in my room in Madrid over winter break so I traveled lightly towards mi casa donde me esperaba mi familia española para abrazarme cariñosamente y preguntarme de lo que habia hecho en estas tres semanas. Rumbo a casa, donde me esperaba mi camita para echarme una siesta, quitarme el jetlag and wake up to the mouthwatering olores de la cocina, a mediodia.