When I left for Spain, I was so overwhelmed and excited to travel to a new country.  I had always imagined myself traveling in Europe.  But when the day finally came, leaving became much more important.

You see, I was in this relationship.  As every relationship, it began like a dream.  He was perfect.  Everything was perfect.  And everyone thought we were perfect together.  Nineteen year old me thought he was the one.

As you may have figured out by now, things soon changed.  Long story short: he was emotionally abusive.  I was constantly treated very poorly, but somehow always ended up with the blame.  He played with my feelings.  He manipulated me.  But I always made excuses for him.  I tried so hard to put myself in his place and figure out why he did the things he did.  So I forgave him, I supported him and I put his emotional wellbeing before mine.

There are a bazillion stupid articles on relationships, falling in love, whether he’s the one, how to make things work…  They’re all about this ideal guy or girl.  They teach us to change our behavior and our way of viewing things.  What they don’t tell us is that when we fall in love, we truly fall.  There’s no better feeling in the world than losing yourself in someone.  But after a while, anything that had any meaning in your life loses importance.  They’re all you care for, and when things inevitably end, you don’t just lose them.  You lost yourself and your world along the way.

Things ended between us.  We were doomed long before I could admit.  And even though I had friends to spare, I felt completely alone.  It’s funny how strong and independent we strive to become, and one single person can come along and flip it all upside down.  Needless to say, I had very low self-esteem at the moment, and I thought studying abroad for a month and a half would take my mind off things.

That didn’t happen.  I thought of him every single day.  I woke up and thought of him.  Every time something exciting happened, I felt this urge to tell him all about it.  But aside from that, I found much more than I anticipated.   I found myself.

Leaving the country, first and foremost was pushing me out of my boundaries.  I had to put myself out there, meet new people, spend time with others; I was forced out of the barriers I built around me.  I had to get to know myself again, and I found myself enjoying every aspect of my stay abroad.  I learned so much and the culture was simply beautiful.

There’s something about being in a different place, with different people, and not having your stuff with you, that reminds you of what you truly enjoy.  I had forgotten my passion for architecture, antiques, food, fitness, music, dance…  There I was just surrounded by all these things I had taken for granted and a part of me returned.

Studying abroad was not a life changing experience for me.  It did however; remind me of who I was and what I enjoy.  While I may not know what I’m doing nor where I’m headed, I’m at least confident that I am finally back on track.  Attractive men helped a lot too.