In the Spring of 2014 I studied abroad in Granada, Spain. Like everyone will tell you, studying abroad was the best decision I could’ve made. I made new friends, had an amazing opportunity to interact with the culture, and eat the most amazing food – but I’m sure by now you’ve head all of that a million times over. So I want to talk about my experience returning from Spain; because that’s something that a lot of people don’t want to talk about because it’s honestly not always pleasant.

Now to preface, I have to say again that Granada was the most amazing experience. I learned so much not only about the Spanish language and culture, but about myself. Being an introverted, paranoid, and generally panic-y person, I was definitely stepping outside of my comfort zone when I decided to spend over 4 months in another country. During my time there, I learned to manage my more anxious emotions and really how to better live my life. It was a transformative experience and I wouldn’t change it for the world. So naturally, coming home was not something I was excited about. I missed my friends and family, of course, but my life in Spain was incredible; I was a different person, disconnected from technology and embracing the smaller things in life. I arrived in the Philadelphia airport on May 22 and honestly felt completely fine. I expected to feel dramatically different and to want to talk about Granada for days and days; but when my dad asked me in the car how everything was, what my favorite memory was, I was at a loss for words. I didn’t want to talk about Spain; I wanted to know what was happening at home, how the dogs are, how my Grandmom was doing. I didn’t really have anything to say. The summer continued normally; I quickly got over my jetlag and proceeded to only mention Granada in snipits of conversation. It was as if I never left; I readjusted to life and the food back at home easily. I didn’t feel sad…and it definitely bothered me. During all of the prep for study abroad, you’re told that you’re going to feel all of these sad, reverse culture shock emotions; and I was almost angry at myself for not feeling any of that.

Fast-forward to when I returned to UMass during the summer. I moved into my new apartment during mid-August. I saw all of my friends who I hadn’t seen since last December and I was so excited. We went on walks in the woods, cooked “family” dinners, and had a genuinely great time before school started. I felt like the person I was in Spain; it was incredible for those 2 weeks. I then temporarily moved onto campus for band camp and everything changed. Band, which was something that I always loved and was excited for, was a chore. I found myself putting on an enthusiastic face while inside, I felt like I was drowning. When classes started, I couldn’t find the motivation to do my homework or go to class. I started going to CCPH (a great resource, by the way) and talking to a councilor about my struggles. She explained to me that I was experiencing a delayed adjustment reaction – basically, returning to school and experiencing so many changes at once made me freak out and realize that I wasn’t in Spain anymore.

In retrospect, I feel silly for ever being upset with myself for not feeling sad about missing Granada because what I felt coming back to school was really terrible. But I learned how to cope; which is why I wanted to write about this experience. I know it’s not what you want to hear; you don’t want to hear that coming back from being abroad can be traumatic. So I’m writing to let you know that while it can be really difficult, you will get over it. In going to CCPH, I learned to take each day at a time. I started making myself daily to-do lists and overarching to-do lists. I recognize that my emotions were valid and just let them happen instead of questioning them and freaking out about the fact that I was feeling sad. Just know that it’s natural to be sad; it’s natural to feel alone. The best advice that I can give is that 1) talking about your experience is good and healthy; 2) accepting your emotions and letting them exist instead of questioning and challenging them is a great way to cope; and 3) it’s completely okay if you don’t feel all of those adjustment emotions right when you get back.

So despite the pain that I eventually felt coming back from Spain, I wouldn’t trade my time there for anything. I loved Granada and I definitely left part of my heart there; but the positives certainly outweigh the negatives. I am confident that I am going to return; and now I have a better understanding of how to deal with adjustment reactions upon return.