Amongst foreign language majors, there’s often the expectation that your semester abroad will be so incredible that, after graduation, you’ll end up moving back to the city/country where you studied. There are visions of strolling down cobblestone streets, adopting European fashion, and traveling to breathtaking places. You’ll teach English for a while, maybe even fall in love with and marry a local, and end up staying indefinitely. Before I had even decided to study Spanish at UMass, that was how I’d always imagined my life playing out. Boy, was I wrong.

In the fall of my junior year, I spent five months in Seville, Spain. While I certainly enjoyed my time in Spain, my opinion about eventually moving overseas were turned completely around. The experience was much more of a struggle than I had originally anticipated, but ultimately helped me realize what my place within the Spanish major was.

Through my less-than-stellar study abroad experience, I realized that my place is here in the United States. After experiencing the difficulties of living in a foreign culture (granted, in my case, those difficulties were comparatively minimal), I couldn’t bring myself to turn my back on the Spanish speakers in my own community – especially as a future educator.

Upon returning to UMass in the spring, I struggled to come to terms with my new sense of purpose. I remember feeling lost and confused – and more so (it seemed) than my recently-returned classmates. Not only was I dealing with re-assimilating to U.S. culture, but I was also trying to navigate my own convictions and career motivations. I felt guilty for rejecting what was supposed to be my path as a Spanish major. I questioned whether or not my not-so-great experience had merely been because of my potentially too-high expectations. Was my experience less authentic or less valuable than that of my peers simply because I had few desires to return to Spain? It wasn’t until this past summer that I felt I had finally unpacked and understood my own mixed up thoughts and emotions. I came to the firm conclusion that my place was here with my family, with my people, and with my community. And I was

So, this blog post is for those of you who have either experienced a similar situation, or are worried about experiencing it in the future. The most important advice I could possibly give you regarding not loving study abroad is to know that that is perfectly, 100% ok. Sometimes we need these types of experiences to show us certain things about ourselves, and to help push us down the paths we’re meant to go. Besides, it’s much better to run into these types of questions now than later on down the road. So, if you’re feeling the same way I did: take your time readjusting. Don’t be afraid to do some serious soul-searching. It’ll be hard, but you will eventually gain clarity. If you’re worried about feeling the way I did: study abroad anyway! The amount you will learn will make every second worth it. Just take the time to reflect on your experiences as they happen.

So, when all is said and done, let the decision that you make – be it moving overseas, staying in the U.S., or any combination of the two – be the one that you want, and the one that is right for you. Because in the end, that’s all that matters.