This past spring was my first semester at UMass. I transferred from Greenfield Community College, having previously transferred from Longy School of Music in Cambridge. This semester was my first as an official Spanish major. I have been reflecting throughout the semester on what I want to do next. This is one of the reasons that I am so excited to spend this coming semester abroad in Spain. Obviously I want to increase my fluency, but I could do that in any Spanish-speaking country. But one of the main reasons I want to go to Spain, is because in the future, I am considering moving there permanently.
Over the past semester I have worked at increasing my grammatical skills as well as my communicative ones, especially in regards to my application for study abroad. For so many years I had to do everything for myself in order for it to get done, so now I still have a hard time asking people for help or just about stuff in general. My main worry for studying abroad this next semester is in regards to my mental health. Although this is rather personal, I think that part of my story is important to share here, if only for the potential to reach others. I am in recovery from anorexia. I have now gone two and a half years without relapsing. Nevertheless, it is important that I remain honest, and not to get too cocky in my recovery when I am embarking upon such a dramatic change. I know that when I go abroad it is very likely I will get homesick, and especially that I will miss my mom, who has been my biggest support. I am scared that these things will exacerbate my other mental health struggles that I deal with, (depression, O.C.D., anxiety, and PTSD). I refuse to let these things hold me back from pursuing this experience that I really want, but at the same time it is important to remain aware of any and all precautions I need to take for my own personal safety.
One of the things that I have done, is to insure that I have at least a six month supply of all my medications, so that there will be no chance of my running out while I am in Spain. I have discussed all my plans with my therapist and my psychiatrist, and I plan to look for a therapist in the area I am staying in who I can see at least a few times during those four months. My main goal for while I am there, as discussed, is to start on my own personal “fake it till you make it.” In terms of my personality I could win an Introvert of the year award – I only have two really close friends and in general I avoid talking to/interacting with anyone else. In Spain I am going to force myself to be more social. I am going to go to all the bars and cafes and places and actually start conversations with people. I am not particularly worried about the school part – I know I will learn a lot and as long as I work hard I will get good grades like I usually do. But what I really want is an “A’ in forming connections with people and networking. Going abroad is already a big leap, since the only places outside the U.S. I’ve been before are Canada and Brazil, so I see no reason not to make it my time of multiple leaps so that I can face and overcome a lot of my fears.
On a less nervous and more excited note, I am really looking forward to the classes that I am going to be taking, especially the class in Islamic history of Spain, and the class in Sefardí music tradition. I am looking forward to getting to know my host family and getting to know Spaniards in general. I do not know how much this experience will change me, or how, but I think that being away from home for a longer period of time for the first time is going to give me the opportunity to try things that I normally wouldn’t dare to. And, whether I get to actually move there or choose to go back for grad school in literary studies, this is my jumping point.