A few weeks ago I received a call from a random number, annoyed that I have been constantly getting random calls I answered and was prepared to ask whoever it was calling me to remove my number from their list. Surprisingly, it was call from one of my API advisors informing me that I had been accepted into the Argentine and Latin American Studies Program in Buenos Aires.
I had been planning on being accepted; I assumed I would be since I had made all my spring semester arrangements based on being accepted. I think I did this so I wouldn’t have an option of backing out, I had to be committed. While I was waiting to hear back from API I was constantly googling the best places to eat and the most interesting things to see in Buenos Aires. I was setting goals for myself of becoming more cultured and independent as I travel through South America. I was telling people about all the things I plan on doing while in Argentina. I have so many expectations of what I want to learn and the things I want to do while abroad. From traveling, to discovering my next favorite bakery, to strolling down the main streets of Buenos Aires.
So finally being accepted into the program was so exciting and relieving! Being accepted felt like another thing I could check off my To Do List, especially since I had only applied to this program, but as soon as the conversation ended I wanted to cry. The exciting feeling fled my body and I was consumed by total doubt.
Who am I going to South America by myself? What did I just get myself into? I don’t want to leave for 5 months! Why did I just do this to myself? I’m going to miss my friends and family so much… and I’m going to miss out on so much. How am I going to fit in while in Buenos Aires? What if I don’t like it? What if I don’t have friends? What if my host family doesn’t like me? I have so much to do before I leave! Why is this so stressful? Why aren’t I more excited about this…?
These thoughts stayed with me for a while. Many of my friends are going to Barcelona, which made me doubt my decision about South America and makes me feel excluded. Being honest, I am sort of terrified of going abroad; but then I realized I need to stop being afraid of everything that could go wrong and focus on what could go right. I need to stop worrying and start getting excited. I am going to Buenos Aires for five months!
In February I will be taking off on my own adventure. One in which I will be able to make every decision regarding my experience, it will not be based on what my friends from UMass want to do it will be based on what I want to do. I will have the freedom to make my own mistakes while learning and enjoying the opportunities that I have. I will be making my own memories without the influences of UMass following me.
As this semester comes to an end, and I have more time to think about and plan next semester I am thrilled that I will be going to Buenos Aires. I am so happy that I will be going on my own adventure!
