“In my mind I see a line. And over that line, I see green fields and lovely flowers and beautiful white women with their arms stretched out to me over that line, but I can’t seem to get there no-how. I can’t seem to get over that line.”
I wish those words were my own because they vividly sum up what my inner thoughts have been since entering UMass in 2018– entering a university where many don’t look like me, and a department where most don’t share my experiences. So when the Black Healing Joy and Justice Collective, otherwise known as BHJJ, sent out an invitation for BG-STEP (Black Grad Student Transition Education Program) I knew I had to go.
Day One. I walked into the College of Education and was greeted with familiar music, an array of food, and smiles and introductions from people I had never seen a day in my existence but could not be more happy to meet. This is my fifth year at UMass and in the CommDis department. Before that I was in Brockton, MA. And for those who don’t know, you’re actually the minority if you’re not Black in Brockton: the 11th Island of Cape Verde, a gold mine for Haitian immigrants, the City of Champions. Anyway, Day One we mingled and then Dr. Jamila Lyiscott who, along with Dr. Keisha Green, co-founded the Center of Racial Justice and Youth and created BHJJ. Dr. J had us do a tableau activity in small groups: the first tableau was how we thought others viewed Black people, and the next was how we viewed ourselves.
Day Two consisted of meeting with Black representatives from the Center for Counseling and Psychological Health (CCPH) and Dr John Bracey. CCPH led a conversation about Black healing and mental health, then a couple of us from the group shared some personal stories. Dr. John Bracey finished off our day with a discussion about his past, the histories of Blackness on the UMass campus, and any questions we had. Dr. Bracey is a current professor in the Afro-Am department and was an active member during the Civil Rights movement for multiple Black Liberation fronts in 1960s Chicago. He reminded everyone in the room how significant each of our roles in these movements are, no matter what they may be.
I couldn’t make it to Day Three. But I did spend the rest of the weekend thinking about the relief and joy I felt. It was just, nice, to be greeted by faces that although unfamiliar, automatically registered a sense of community. And although I’ve found my footing here, nothing replaces being able to speak how I naturally do, switch to a whole other language altogether, or not being involved in conversations that are constantly worried about offending me as soon as issues of diversity arise. I really do look forward to seeing what events and experiences BHJJ has planned for students who may really need a larger and stronger sense of belonging.
Which leads me back to the quote I started with. I’ve come to really appreciate and dare I say even enjoy my time studying audiology. But I can’t help but feel like I’m always just on the other side. That something, or someone, is missing. And everyone is so nice and wants me to have what they do, but I can’t. Not until there are more of us with white coats on the other side.
Kim