death is supposedly the last thing one experiences,
though sometimes it feels like it’s just a part of my life.
i came into this world stillborn
the overwhelming sense of danger amongst the doctors who delivered me
when i may as well have ended there, but they saved me.
my whole being has been nothing short of a miracle
but my first death was the eclipse to the rest of my tragedies.
they say laughter is the best medicine,
but the four to five pills i take a day prove otherwise;
i can’t live without them.
trust me, i have tried;
so hard, please trust me.
some of the things i got from my first passing
are the huge red birthmarks on the skin of my right arm
that reach on to my chest
and i have a thing about symmetry;
i’ve always felt like this splash of evil dusty rose made me uneven.
my right side always feels warmer and heavier than the other
and this isn’t something that can just get better or go away;
i will remain this way for the rest of my life.
and this uncomfortable feeling that rattles inside my head
asks me whether i should have ever survived my first day
-Chase Goates