Since I was a little girl I have always loved to travel, the excitement of a new place and new culture always excited me. I have always had a connection with my culture and passion for the language of Portuguese.  I realized this at a very young age. Till this day I remember looking at my dad while we were watching Brazilian novellas and telling him that with or without him I was going to end up in Brazil at some point in my life. Even though I didn’t speak it well, I always tried. It is honestly an unexplainable feeling because I didn’t know why I was so interested, but simply being able to communicate with other people in a different language and create a bond, made me feel as if I was a part of another group. For example, the point of realization for me was when I went to the director of the Portuguese department Luis Amaral, to speak about taking another Portuguese class since the class I was in was too easy. After the conversation with him, I felt relieved and excited to see where this would take me. The following semester I took two Portuguese classes, a morphology course and junior year writing course in Portuguese, where we learned more about the culture. Never in my life did I enjoy a class as much as I did these, not only did I have an interest, but I was more invested and motivated to do my work. I was also able to relate what I was learning back to my own culture and present a project on the similarities and differences. It was simply fascinating to me to realize how similar they are.

What impacted me in a negative way was when I explained to my dad that I was taking these class, immediately the reaction I got was why aren’t you focusing on your business degree. I felt as if I was letting him down by not following a certain path. This affected not only my performance in my classes but my confidence.  I admit I could’ve tried more in Portuguese courses and could have challenged myself to speak more, but I always hid behind the idea that I should not be taking those courses although I was so interested in them. By the end of the semester, I was questioning my path, because I knew there was a deep passion from within. The ability to communicate and relate to people through another language was simply amazing in my eyes. This caused me so much anxiety, I was not even sure if I wanted to go abroad anymore. After not doing well in a math class for my other major I realized one of the reasons I was not doing well was because I had no interest. An experience that is supposed to be yes, stressful, but the best years of my life turned into a miserable year, filled with confusion and regret.

This semester I chose to follow my heart and combine the two things that interest me.  I chose to go abroad even though I knew I would not get that much support for once I followed my own path. Following my own path was a journey filled with anxiety, but it was also a huge turning point. This is when I realized I was just following a plan, I didn’t even truly know who I was to an extent. Most of what I was doing was to make my dad happy.  Although I do like business, I always had another approach. I knew I wanted to be a corporate lawyer and even a business owner, but I was not going to do it on someone else’s terms. A book was already written for me and I was following it word for word, which is why I was not happy.  I knew I had my own way of making it work and a completely different definition of success.

I am giving you this example to show that no matter what, go for what you want. Go for your dreams. If you have a passion run with it; if it doesn’t work it’s okay. At least there will be zero regrets.  At times, there will be points in the process where you feel hopeless, or like it’s impossible. What I’ve come to see is that anything is possible as long as you reach out and do your best. Study abroad is a beautiful thing and you don’t think much of it when your planning to go, but it is a very lengthy process. Although I have not gone yet, I already know it will be well worth the stress. What caused the most stress for me was not having the support and having to figure out all the financials on my own. Since I’m so used to my dad helping out this was extremely overwhelming because I felt stuck. Now I had to figure out how to fund my education on my own. At the beginning of the year, I was at the point where I thought I was going to have to take a semester off in order to fund my education because there was no other way. That’s when I had to give myself a little pep talk and remind myself to follow my dreams and find every way possible to achieve them. This is when I began to use my resources at UMASS and start to connect with more people.

I cannot emphasize how important utilizing your resources is. Self-advocating is key. Put in the work and stay true to yourself the rest will come.  Throughout this process, the IPO office and financial aid office are your friends.  Scholarships are key! There are so many scholarships you can apply for, including the Gilman scholarship which is a great scholarship. Never think you’re asking too much either or doubt yourself. If I didn’t take risks and ask questions that I thought may be considered  “pushing it,” I honestly wouldn’t be going to Brazil this upcoming semester. So, I encourage you to step out your comfort zone and ask for the help you need. That’s what these resources are there for. The financial aid office will help you find aid or the right loans for you. It’s a matter of putting in the time to build these relationships. So, my advice to you is,  start the process early, build these connections and use these resources. For the most part, there’s always a solution, I have reached points in this process where I thought this was going to be impossible. That I was just trying for nothing, but I thought wrong because here I am. Most of the anxiety I felt, I realized was caused on my own. You just have to believe in your goals, and yourself. The rest will play out as it should just make sure you’re doing your best.

As I said before, there may also be other external factors that’s cause a lot of anxiety, but there is no worse regret than the regret of not fulfilling your goals. I have only come to realize this recently toward the end of the process. I was so scared to fail, to not live as my parents had planned for me, to lose my relationship, but by the same token, there is no better feeling then self-peace. The only way to reach that point is to make sure you’re doing what you love, to be open-minded to the things you will experience and challenge yourself every day. Those who are meant to be in your life will remain, the experience of once in a lifetime to grow and experience other cultures will not. College is one the only times and easiest times you will be able to just pick up and leave for a while. So, why not?  The only way to grow is to take risks and step out your comfort zone. So, start today, if studying abroad is what you want to do, go for it and don’t let anything stop you. As long as your being true to yourself and doing it for the right reasons all will work out in your favor. Every experience has its lesson.